“I’m okay, but I’m not okay, and that’s okay”
Nothing can really prepare us for a death of a loved one. Whether it be a sudden unexpected death like my son Drew’s at the age of 24 or at the end of a very long illness. With every death, there is a loss. And with every loss there is grief. Grief is an untidy and unpredictable process. The culture we live in tells us that we need to move through the grieving period quickly. Our grief can make those around us uncomfortable. And this causes us to sometimes hide our grief and pretend that all is okay. To put on the ” I’m okay mask”. Grieving is actually a good thing — it is what God uses to bring us back to wholeness. So don’t be afraid to grieve and don’t be afraid to tell others what you are feeling , even if it makes them feel uncomfortable.
People ask me
How I am doing?
And then I have to think
Do they really want to know?
Do they want the
short answer
or
the long answer?
I really think most people
want the short answer
“fine”
“good”
“okay”
If they were able to see into
my heart
to actually see
the HOLE
that will always be there
the HOLE that is a result
of a tremendous loss
the loss of my son Drew
a little over 3 years ago
then they would see how I am doing
I know it is okay not to be okay
It is okay to feel sadness
It is okay to feel a loss
God knows it too
And it is He
that is the
ONLY ONE
who can heal a HEART
But is it okay to say I’m not okay
to say I will never be okay
not until I get to heaven
and receive a big “Drew hug”?
Some people think
it is not okay to be not okay
especially after a couple years have passed
since a loss
But I know the reality
The reality
of the HEART
The HEART
of a mom
who yearns
to be with her son
again
So many of us are
part of the
WALKING WOUNDED
the ones who are waiting
waiting for
THAT DAY.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”. Psalm 147:3
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion
forever.” Psalm 73:26
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”. Matthew 5:4
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4
“So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:18
“The Lord cares deeply
when His loved ones die.”
– Psalm 116:15 (NLT)
“Short-sighted here on earth, bound by time, we mourn deeply the loss of those we love. We long to see into the eternal, the perfect, the home where our loves now live. Seeing clearly, not grounded to this earth and it’s tethering, our loved ones wait for us and cannot help but feel endless joy. In the meantime, here in time, the Lord sets His eyes on the mourning, promising to comfort. After all, even Almighty God knows what deep mourning feels like. He holds our precious ones living in heaven and He holds the grieving earth-dweller, never to forget either one.” – Susie Stewart
“It hurts when they’re gone. And it doesn’t matter if it’s slow or fast, whether it’s a long drawn-out disease or an unexpected accident. When they’re gone the world turns upside down and you’re left holding on, trying not to fall off.”
― Walter Mosley, Debbie Doesn’t Do It Anymore
“I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll ‘say something about it’ or not. I hate if they do, and if they don’t.”
―
C.S. Lewis,
A Grief Observed
“Getting over it so soon? But the words are ambiguous. To say the patient is getting over it after an operation for appendicitis is one thing; after he’s had his leg off is quite another. After that operation either the wounded stump heals or the man dies. If it heals, the fierce, continuous pain will stop. Presently he’ll get back his strength and be able to stump about on his wooden leg. He has ‘got over it.’ But he will probably have recurrent pains in the stump all his life, and perhaps pretty bad ones; and he will always be a one-legged man. There will be hardly any moment when he forgets it. Bathing, dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even lying in bed, will all be different. His whole way of life will be changed. All sorts of pleasures and activities that he once took for granted will have to be simply written off. Duties too. At present I am learning to get about on crutches. Perhaps I shall presently be given a wooden leg. But I shall never be a biped again.”
―
C.S. Lewis,
A Grief Observed
