Flipping the Switch

Yes, so today is Mother’s Day. I knew when I woke up and my feet hit the floor, I had the power to make it a sorrowful day or a joyful day. It was up to me to flip the switch. I often pretend there is a tiny switch in my brain that I can switch onto positive when I need to. Today I needed to. Grieving is hard work. Sometimes I need a grief break. My youngest son Drew went to heaven three months ago. He was walking across Colfax in downtown Denver with his brother and was hit and killed by a hit-and-run driver. He is 24 years old. I don’t like to say was 24. He is still 24. I miss him so much! Today I needed a break from my “grief work”.

I soon began to mentally make a list of positives to focus on while I showered and dressed and picked up the place in preparation for my oldest son Jon and his wife Jenn bringing over food for brunch and watching a movie together. Then, I sat down on the recliner and looked at some key pictures on facebook — some of my mother Stella — and began to think of what a wonderful blessing it is that I can still call her on the phone today and wish her a Happy Mothers Day, many I know cannot. I looked at another picture — this one of my mother-in-law June who is no longer on this earth but I still have sweet memories of her and I know she is in heaven and I will see her again. Another picture was a five generation picture — my mom, my sister, my niece, my great niece and my great great niece — taken 3 years ago at my mom’s 90th birthday celebration. What a grand celebration that was. And how wonderful to have all five generations of women all living in the same town in California. All healthy and happy!

My heart smiles…

The last picture I look at is of my son Drew. It is of him giving my mom one of his knitted creations for her birthday. He is the one who won’t be coming over on Mother’s Day this year. I could stay in this sad place all day — focusing on who won’t be here or I could flip the switch and began to focus on all my incredible blessings. I began to list them in my head: our beautiful low-maintanance remodeled condo with no garage or basement or yard — how cool is that? ,the clubhouse where there is so much to offer as far as fun activities, my sweet husband who is such a support to me and rarely complains, will be getting a hip replacement next month which will hopefully change his quality of life dramatically , my good health and the fact that I am now retired and can focus on doing the things that give me joy. My many friends and family members who have supported and encouraged me and loved on me so very much — what would I do without them; and my son Jon who will be coming over soon. I can remember the first time I was talking to someone on the phone in the hospital on the day of his birth and how wonderful the sound of the word “son” felt coming out of my mouth. I thought of all these years I have had with him and have had the priviledge of being his mom. THe privilege of watching him grow into the beautiful man he is. I thought of the wonderful times we have shared. And then there is Jenn his wife — who has added such a new dimension to our family! A FEMALE —some one I can go to tea with, shop with, chat a lot with, get a pedicure with , go to the ballet with— all those girly things! I watch how she loves my son and

my heart smiles…

It is ten a.m. and here they are! Knock on the door. Right on time as always — another blessing! I open the door and am greeted by a mass of velvety red roses — my favorite flower of all time — the love color. The color of the heart. Much more than a dozen. Maybe two dozen. I am overwhelmed. Love has poured in my door — smiles, hugs, roses, food, a homemade scented oil spray, and of course a musical Mother’s Day card with actual writing on it — since I don’t like cards without actual writing on them — too impersonal. They remember this. They care. They want to make my day special. They know I am missing Drew. They are too. They love me . They want so much to make me feel good. They want my mother’s day to be happy.

My heart smiles…

It is not that we exclude Drew. Jon wears his knitted hat that was Drew’s favorite hat plus the pastel colored Easter shirt I got him last month. I wear my necklace with the angel wing and of course my bright yellow that reminds me of Drew’s new address. and then there is the lighted Drew candle. The roses are put in a vase and placed next to the candle. He is here. In spirit. In our hearts. He is loving that we are remembering him. He can’t wait to see us someday in heaven — what a grand celebration that will be! And we can’t wait to see him again! Because there is this hope,

My heart smiles…

Yes, I have flipped the switch today. I have lots of blessings to dwell on. The bible talks a lot about the power of the mind. I have two wonderful sons and a beautiful daughter-in-law. One lives in Aurora and the other in heaven. And they are both doing well! And I am doing well! Today has been a joyful day full of remembering what mother’s day means to me. It has been a good day. I was called “Mom” and that word will always be music to my ears.

Jon has written on the card “I know this Mother’s Day is hard, but I wanted to tell you that you have always been a great mom, and if Drew were here, he would tell you the same thing”. These words bring me much joy even if there are tears in my eyes as I type. I am indeed blessed among women, and

My heart smiles…

Psalm 103:2 “O my Soul, Bless God, and don’t forget a single blessing”.


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