“I’m okay, but I’m not okay, and that’s okay”

“I’m okay, but I’m not okay, and that’s okay”moved

Nothing can really prepare us for a death of a loved one.   Whether it be a sudden unexpected death like my son Drew’s at the age of 24 or at the end of a very long illness.   With every death, there is a loss.  And with every loss there is grief.   Grief is an untidy and unpredictable process.  The culture we live in tells us that we need to move through the grieving period quickly.  Our grief can make those around us uncomfortable.  And this causes us to sometimes hide our grief and pretend that all is okay. To put on the ” I’m okay mask”. Grieving is actually a good thing — it is what God uses to bring us back to wholeness.  So don’t be afraid to grieve and don’t be afraid to tell others what you are feeling , even if it makes them feel uncomfortable.

People ask me

How I am doing?

And then I have to think

Do they really want to know?

Do they want the

short answer


the long answer?

I really think most people

want the short answer




If they were able to see into

my heart

to actually see

the HOLE

that will always be there

the HOLE that is a result

of a tremendous loss

the loss of my son Drew

a little over 3 years ago

then they would see how I am doing

I know it is okay not to be okay

It is okay to feel sadness

It is okay to feel a loss

God knows it too

And it is He

that is the


 who can heal a HEART

But is it okay to say I’m not okay

to say I will never be okay

not until I get to heaven

and receive a big “Drew hug”?

Some people think

it is not okay to be not okay

especially after a couple years have passed

since a loss

But I know the reality

The reality

of the HEART


of a mom

who yearns

to be with her son


So many of us are

part of the


the ones who are waiting

waiting for



“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”.    Psalm 147:3

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion

forever.”   Psalm 73:26

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”.   Matthew 5:4

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4

“So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”    2 Corinthians 4:18

“The Lord cares deeply
when His loved ones die.”
– Psalm 116:15 (NLT)

“Short-sighted here on earth, bound by time, we mourn deeply the loss of those we love. We long to see into the eternal, the perfect, the home where our loves now live. Seeing clearly, not grounded to this earth and it’s tethering, our loved ones wait for us and cannot help but feel endless joy. In the meantime, here in time, the Lord sets His eyes on the mourning, promising to comfort. After all, even Almighty God knows what deep mourning feels like. He holds our precious ones living in heaven and He holds the grieving earth-dweller, never to forget either one.”   – Susie Stewart

“It hurts when they’re gone. And it doesn’t matter if it’s slow or fast, whether it’s a long drawn-out disease or an unexpected accident. When they’re gone the world turns upside down and you’re left holding on, trying not to fall off.”
Walter Mosley, Debbie Doesn’t Do It Anymore

“I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll ‘say something about it’ or not. I hate if they do, and if they don’t.”
C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
“The death of a beloved is an amputation.”
C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
“Getting over it so soon? But the words are ambiguous. To say the patient is getting over it after an operation for appendicitis is one thing; after he’s had his leg off is quite another. After that operation either the wounded stump heals or the man dies. If it heals, the fierce, continuous pain will stop. Presently he’ll get back his strength and be able to stump about on his wooden leg. He has ‘got over it.’ But he will probably have recurrent pains in the stump all his life, and perhaps pretty bad ones; and he will always be a one-legged man. There will be hardly any moment when he forgets it. Bathing, dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even lying in bed, will all be different. His whole way of life will be changed. All sorts of pleasures and activities that he once took for granted will have to be simply written off. Duties too. At present I am learning to get about on crutches. Perhaps I shall presently be given a wooden leg. But I shall never be a biped again.”
C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed






One thought on ““I’m okay, but I’m not okay, and that’s okay”

  1. Thank you Sandy for sharing – losing a loved one is so hard and I don’t think the hole in our heart ever heals. Hugs to you my friend


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